Fear and Worry

Are you worried? Are you miserable? If so, you are invited to read this page to develop a better understanding of your problems. It is dedicated to you and to those who worry...

Fear and worry are born of the imaginings of a mind that is influenced by worldly conditions. They are rooted in craving and attachments. In fact, life is like a motion picture in which everything is constantly moving and changing. Nothing in this world is permanent or still. Those who are youthful and strong have fear of dying young. Those who are old and suffering worry about living too long. In between these two are those who crave for merriment all year round.

Joyful expectations of the pleasant seem to pass off too quickly. Fearful expectations of the unpleasant create anxieties that do not seem to go away. Such feelings are natural. Such ups and downs of life play with an illusory self or ego, like a puppet on a string, but the mind is supreme unto itself.

The training of the mind, otherwise known as mental culture, is the first step towards taming mental unrest. The Buddha had explained,

"From craving springs grief, from craving springs fear, For him who is wholly free from craving, there is no grief, much less fear."

All forms of attachment will end in sorrow. Neither tears nor long goodbyes can end the transience of life. All compounded things are impermanent.

Both the old and the young suffer in this existence. No one is exempted. Many teenagers have growing pains. Being neither frogs nor tadpoles, teenagers are understandably in-experienced at building stable relationships with members of the opposite sex. They try to show off their attractiveness in trying to impress the members of the opposite sex, who are flattered to see themselves as sex objects. Both try to behave not as they really are, but as what they think is adult. They are afraid that if they behave naturally, they will be laughed at. This type of behaviour has the potential for being exploited. There is fear of rejection as well as worry about deflated egos. Unrequited love will often 'break' many teenage hearts because they feel they have made 'fools of themselves'. Some are even driven to commit suicide. But such traumas could be avoided if life is seen as it really is. Young people must be taught the Buddhist approach to life, so that they can grow and mature in the correct way.

"Wheresoever fear arises, it arises in the fool, not in the wise man," said the Buddha.

Fear is nothing more than a state of mind. One's state of mind is subject to control and direction - the negative use of thought produces fear, while the positive use of thought enables our hopes and ideals to be realised. The choice rests entirely with ourselves. Every human being has the ability to control his own mind. Nature has endowed man with absolute control over one thing, and that is thought. Everything that a man creates begins in the form of a thought. Here is the key to help one understand the principle by which fear may be mastered.

A noted British anatomist was once asked by a student what was the best cure for fear, and he answered, "Try doing something for someone."

The student was considerably astonished by the reply, and requested further enlightment, whereupon his instructor said, "You can't have two opposing sets of thoughts in your mind at one and the same time." One set of thoughts will always drive the other out. If, for instance, your mind is completely occupied with an unselfish desire to help someone else, you cannot be harbouring fear at the same time.

"Worry dries up the blood sooner than age." Fear and worry in moderation are natural instincts of self-preservation, but constant, irrational fear and prolonged worry are relentless enemies to the human body. They derange the normal bodily functions.

Control Your Mind

Man's mind influences his body profoundly. The mind has just as much potential to be a medication as it has to be a poison. When the mind is vicious, it can kill a being but when it is steady and diligent, it can benefit others. When the mind is concentrated on right thoughts, and supported by right effort and understanding, the effect it produces is immense. A mind with pure and wholesome thoughts leads to healthy, relaxed living.

The Buddha said, "No enemy can harm one as much as one's own thoughts of craving, thoughts of hate, thoughts of jealousy and so on."

A man, who does not know how to adjust his mind according to circumstances, is almost like a dead man. Turn your mind inwards, and try to find pleasure within yourself.

It is only when the mind is controlled and properly directed that it becomes useful to its owner and the society. An unruly mind is a liability to its owner and others. All the havoc wrought in this world is the creation of men who have not learned the way of mind-control, balance and poise.

Calmness is not weakness. A man with a calm attitude at all times demonstrates himself as a man of culture. It is not too hard for one to be calm when things are favourable, but it is indeed hard to be composed when things go wrong. It is this difficult quality that is worth achieving, because by exercising such calm and control, a man builds strength of character.

The Voice Of Nature

Modern man does not listen to the voice of nature because of his preoccupation with material gains and pleasures. He is so preoccupied with worldly pleasures that he neglects his spiritual needs. This unnatural behaviour of contemporary man immediately results in a wrong view of human life and its ultimate purpose. It is the cause of all the frustration, anxiety, fear and insecurity of our present times.

If man is cruel and wicked, and lives against the laws of nature and the cosmos, his actions, speech and thoughts would pollute the whole environment. Nature that is abused will not provide what man requires for his living; instead, clashes, conflicts, epidemics and disasters will be in store for him.

If man lives in accordance with this natural law, leads a righteous life, purifies the world through the merits of his virtues and radiates his compassionate love towards other living beings, he can bring about happiness for mankind. One who really likes peace should not violate man's freedom. It is wrong to disturb and deceive others.

You may be a very busy person, but spend at least a few minutes a day in meditation or in reading some valuable books. This habit will relieve your worries and develop your mind. Religion is for your benefit. Therefore, it is your duty to think about your religion. Spare some time to attend gatherings held in religious atmosphere. Even a short period spent in the company of spiritually-inclined people will produce good results.

Mental Health & Criminal Tendencies

The increase in all kinds of mental ailments and disturbances is the most alarming trend of all diseases of the modern age. There are more and more mentally sick patients all over the world, especially in the affluent countries.

In many cases, the criminal element within our society is mentioned in the same breath as mental illness. One positive and far-reaching result, stemming directly from the research work of Freud, is the recognition that criminals and delinquents are mentally sick people, who need treatment rather than punishment. It is this liberal outlook on the problem that is the basis of all 'progressive' social reforms to replace punishment with rehabilitation.

Know Thy Neighbour

When we do not see how other people live, we may not learn the different ways of living. Travel is the best form of education. Personal encounters with people who are different from ourselves make us feel more sympathetic. Intolerance often arises from ignorance of another person's need and way of thinking.

Man's Unhappiness

The Buddha taught that all man's unhappiness results from the selfish desire for more pleasures that money can buy, more power over other men, and, most important of all, the desire to live forever, even after death! The desire for these things makes people selfish. They think only of themselves, want things only for themselves, and do not care about what happens to other people. When their wishes are not fulfilled, they become restless and discontented. The only way to avoid this restlessness is to get rid of the desires that cause it. This is very difficult, but when a man achieves it, he appreciates it.

Time Will Heal Our Wounds

Trouble passes. What has caused you to burst into tears will soon be forgotten. You may remember that you cried but not why you did so! As we grow up and go through life, we are often surprised at how we lie awake at night, brooding over something that has upset us during the day, or how we nurse resentment against someone by letting the same thoughts run through our minds concerning how to have our own back. We may fly into a rage at the spur of the moment over something and later wonder what it was that we were so angry about, and be surprised to realise what a waste of time and energy it had all been. We have deliberately continued being unhappy when we could have stopped being so and started thinking about something else which is more wholesome.

Whatever our troubles are, and however aggrieved we may feel, time will heal our wounds, but surely there must be something we can do to prevent ourselves from being hurt in the first place. Why should we allow others or our troubles to drain away our energy and make us unhappy? The answer is that they do not. It is we who makes ourselves unhappy.

You may have some trouble in your working place but you should not infect your home with a bad atmosphere. You should realise that there is an end to those problems. The solutions could be found in achieving freedom from our selfish desires, by eradicating all forms of confusion and ignorance.

Whenever we fail to find a solution to a problem, we are inclined to find a scapegoat, on whom we vent our frustration. We are not prepared to admit our own shortcomings. It is easier to put the blame on others. In fact, some even take pleasure in doing so. This is a completely wrong attitude to adopt. We must not show resentment towards others. We should do our utmost, painstakingly and calmly, to resolve our own problems. We must be prepared to face up to any difficulties that we encounter.

Healthy Atmosphere

Jokes and remarks directed at you in bad taste should be deflected with good humour. This is one way to avoid enmity with anybody. Losing your cool while playing the game will cause you to become strung up. You will forfeit a possible win. That will even spoil the pleasure of those watching the game.

There is no way that you can change everyone in this world to your way of thinking. It is not even desirable. If everyone agrees with you, the world will soon run out of ideas.

There are many ways of correcting a person when he is wrong. By criticising, blaming and railing him at public, you will be humiliating him, rather than correcting him. One is certain to make more enemies through criticism. If you can show concern for a person with kind words, he will thank you for it someday.

Never use harsh or unpleasant words whenever you express your views on certain issues. Diplomacy, gentleness and politeness do not hurt anybody. In fact, they will open many doors for more effective communication.

Do not feel defensive when your own faults are being pointed out. Your faults are your signposts for learning perfection. Temper is a poor camouflage for shortcomings. When someone loses his temper, he will blurt out too many things which are better left unsaid. Never reveal a former friend's personal secret, no matter how angry you are with him now. You will only degrade yourself in the process and others would never accept you as a sincere friend thereafter. Others will think you could do it to them the same thing you did to hurt a former friend, no one will trust you.

Have the Courage to Face Criticism

Sweetness causes sickness, while bitterness comes with the cure. Praise is sweetness, an excess of which causes sickness; while criticism is like a bitter pill which cures. We must have the courage to welcome criticism and not be afraid of it. "The ugliness we see in others is a reflection of our own nature."A man's life, circumstances and world are reflections of hiw own thoughts and beliefs. All men are mirrors of themselves, reflecting their own natures, including their pains and ills.

Happiness and Materialism

Many people belive that they can solve all their problems by just having money. They, however, fail to realise that money itself has its attendant problems. Money cannot solve all problems.

Most people never think properly. All through their lives, they are like race-track greyhounds running after a rabbit decoy. When the chase ends, all the excitement disappears. This is very much like the nature of sensual happiness in the wonderland of materialism. As soon as the desired object is obtained, the happiness ends and new desires arise. Gettting the object appears not quite as satisfying as the chase itself.

When we lose something, remember the following advice :-

"Say not that this is yours and that is mine, Just say, this came to you and that to me, So we may not regret the fading sunshine, Of all the glorious things which ceased to be."

Wealth is not something for you to accumulate for craving's sake. It is intended for your welfare, as well as the welfare of others. Try to make the world around you a better place to live in. Use your wealth wisely to reduce the sufferings of the poor, the sick and the aged. Fulfill your duties to your people, your country and your religion. When the time comes for you to leave, you will have immense peace and bliss as you recall the past good and selfless deeds that you have done.

Seeking wealth through gambling is like expecting a passing cloud to shelter us from the sun.On the other hand, aspiring for prosperity through diligent work is as secure as building a permanent shelter from the sun and rain.

"Your property will remain when you die. Your friends and relatives will follow you up to your grave, but only the good or bad actions that you have done during your lifetime (karma) will follow you beyond the grave."

Fulfilling dreams of riches may sound magical, but fear and worry always lie in wait for such magic to wear off. A rich lifestyle brings its share of mental disturbance. With an abundance of ill-used wealth, it becomes impossible to attain the simple things in life such as friendship, trust and confidence, which are taken for granted in humbler circumstances. When a lifestyle begins to generate a sense of insecurity, wisdom is required to put oneself on the right track again. Riches have their trade-offs -> the happiness of owning them is diminished by as much fear and worry about losing them.

For our personal happiness, we should acquire wealth righteously. "Blessed are they who earn their living without harming others," said the Buddha. Our happiness cannot be long-lived and meaningful if our wealth leaves sorrow and suffering in its wake. Wealth that is flouted arouses envy, but wealth that is well managed earns respect.

Your wealth can edify your house but not you. Only your own virtues can edify you. Your dress can adorn your body but not you. Only your good conduct can do so.

Ultimately, it is blissful to know that "happiness is a perfume that you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." The world may not be what you want it to be, but you can tune your heart to find happiness within it. It is only when you have suffered for doing good that you can rise above others in understanding and personal happiness.

"If we want to find happiness, let us stop thinking about gratitude of ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving. Ingratitude is natural - like weeds. Gratitude is like a rose. It has to be fed, watered, cultivated, loved and protected." ( Dale Carnegie )

Act Wisely

Man must know how to use his youth, wealth and knowledge at the proper time and place and in the proper way, for his own benefit, as well as the benefit of others. If he misuses his privilege, it will only cause his downfall. "Man must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, dignified and having moral courage in honest defeat, humble and gentle in victory."

Some people have the blessings of sudden wealth through chance or inheritance, but not many are endowed with the wisdom to protect it, conserve it or put it to good use. Anything that is not earned through the sweat of hard work tends to be squandered through abuse.

Adjust Ourselves

Customs and traditions are important channels for the learning and sharing of human experiences in any community. The dilemma that we face in an ever changing world is whether to live with or break with the past. There will always be a 'generation gap' between the old and the young because of different perceptions of changing circumstances and values. The older generation fears that the young people may lose their heritage while the young people worry that an ancient past may become a stumbling block in modern living. Change must always be considered carefully.

Popular culture creates momentary idols and folk heroes who portray images of conflicting lifestyles. The mass media hepls to reinforce this and young minds are prones to accept everything that the mass media propagate. There may be political or social messages in movements such as the Hippie or Yuppie movements but it is vital for the young to have the wisdom of the older generation to separate the good from the bad. The time tested and proven good old values do not change. Values such as thrift, honesty, liberality and hard work for dignified living remain fresh in any community.

In an Asian setting, the customs and traditions associated with marriages and funerals are very important. The question is whether we should spend so much money and time to carry out these customs and traditions in the modern world. Are they really necessary? There is no better advice than what the Buddha gave in the Kalama Sutta:-

"When you know yourselves that these ideas are unprofitable, liable to censure, condemned by the wise, and if they are being adopted and put into effect, they would lead to harm and suffering, then you should abandon them... When you know yourselves that these things are wholesome, blameless, commended by the wise, and if they are being adopted and put into effect, they would lead to welfare and happiness, then you should practise them and abide by them."

Every man is a creature of the universe. So long as man is concerned with making our society more humane and re-ordering the world for the better, time will always bridge the gap between the young and the old. Worry and fear over the direction of change will lose their grip. The older people only have to remember how their own parents had objected to certain ways of living that were considered modern at the time when they were young. Tolerance to differences on an issue is a virtue. An open attitude can only be a happy one

Mind your own Business

It is blissful to be able to attend to your own affairs without entertaining doubts about others. Here is the Buddha's advice:-

"Let none find fault with others; let none see the omissions and commissions of others, but let one see one's own acts, done and undone."

"He who is always observant of others' faults, and irritable, increases his own defilements. He is far from the destruction of defilements."

"The faults of others are easily seen, but one's own is difficult to see. One winnows others' fault like chaff, but hides one's own as a crafty fowler covers himself."

No one is free from blame and criticism. The Buddha said, "People blame others for their silence. They blame those who talk too much and those who talk in moderation. There is, therefore, no one in this world who is not blamed."

He further said, "There never was, there never will be, nor is there now, anyone who is wholly blamed or wholly praised."

Not all who criticise you are your enemies. You can use their remarks to find out the weaknesses in yourself which you cannot see. You should not give up good work just because of criticism. If you can admit your own weaknesses, indeed you have the intelectual strength to succeed.

"The noble ones swerve not from the right path, let happen what may and no longer crave after worldly joys. The wise ones remain calm and constant in mind, alike in joy and in sorrow."

Be Unbiased

You should not come to any hasty decision regarding any matter when you are in a bad mood or under provocation. Any decision or conclusion reached during such a period would be a matter that you could regret one day. Allow your mind to calm down first and think. Then, your judgement will be an unbiased one.

Cultivate tolerance, for tolerance helps you to sympathise with other people's troubles. Avoid unnecessary criticism. Try to realise that even the finest human being is not infallible. The weakness that you find in your neighbour can be found in yourself. It has been said that you should not throw stones at others while staying in glass houses.

Humility

Humility is the wise man's measure for knowing the difference between what is and what is yet to be. "The Buddha Himself started His ministry by discarding all His princely pride in an act of self-humiliation. He attained sainthood during His life, but He never lost His naturalness and never assumed superior airs. His dessertations and parables were never pompous. He had time for the most humble of men. He never lost His sense of humour."

Do Not Waste Your Time

To waste a man's existence in worrying about the future, in grieving over the past, in idleness or in heedlessness, is to show his lack of fitness for the noble place that he holds as the best of earthly creatures. He will thus create bad karma which will relegate him to a place befitting his unworthiness. Bear this in mind, and do good while life lasts. By wasting your time, you harm not only yourself but also others. for your time is as much other's as it is yours.

Patience & Tolerance

Be patient with all. Anger leads one along a blind path. While it irritates and annoys others, it also hurts oneself. Anger weakens the physical body and disturbs the mind. A harsh word, like an arrow discharged from a bow, can never be retracted even if you offer a thousand apologies.

Certain creatures cannot see in the daytime whilst some others are blind at night, but a man, who is driven to intense hatred, does not observe anything, either by day or night.

When you are angry, who do you fight with? What do you fight with? You fight with yourself, for you are the worst enemy of yourself. The mind is your best friend but it can easily become your worst foe. Some types of heart trouble, rheumatic disorders, and skin diseases are traceable to chronic resentment, hatred and jealousy. Such destructive feelings poison the heart. They foster the development of latent diseases by reducing the body's natural defences against disease microbes.